My Higher Power is John Stamos
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
