I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
