like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
