So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
