Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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