so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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