its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
