I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
