Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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