im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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