What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
