Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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