Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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