I need help removing her.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
