Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
COCAINE IS GR8
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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