Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
