She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
