Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
