Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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