I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
