There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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