So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
