i wish there were pregnant emoticons
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
