haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
