she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
