Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
