enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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