I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
