Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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