I'm passing your future prison.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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