She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
