I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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