and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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