just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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