I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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