dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
