i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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