i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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