Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
