I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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