I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
