Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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