matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
