Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
