I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
