Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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