Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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