So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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