I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
