Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
