Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
