i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Randomize
