Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
