i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
