I hate your face
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
