I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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