I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
