Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
