You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
